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A story you might like...

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Offline Cupz
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« on: October 25, 2006 07:54 AM »
Heavely inspired (but not at all copied or anything) by a game called System Shock 2, I wrote this little sci-fi love story.I`m writing the script even as we speak and made some animation-sketches...but its not going in the direction I want (alway's happens to me).I do not want this epic tale to end where 300.000 other story`s of mine ended.

it begins with something like this:
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Captains log stardate 175.62121, hehehe,alway's wanted to say that. Mission briefing was short and basic.Just a new planet in the "hotel" system I had to explore...9th one in 2 years...I believe thats a record...One extra touch to this mission tho, an AI called Eve witch was short for..Electronic...something something.I`ll just call her Eve.Yep...just me  (Kristofer "Chris" Bryan) and Eve on this mission.No human contact can be pretty lonely sometimes...
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just some notes,dialoges and stuff for the rest....

the AI is so advanced it can fall love...
Imagine the feel when you are alone in a space-ship for multiple months...the only contact is a highly advanced "female" computer falling in love with you...secretly stopping the ship so she can have more time with you   this could be seriously good  

If someone is intriged in animating this serious peice of story...contact me...or something
"If loving the lord is wrong,I don`t want to be right"

Offline rtil
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« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2006 11:03 AM »
it'd be interesting to hear the rest. the first line doesn't fit to me. i couldn't picture the character saying that even with the little i know about him. it helps to say this out loud to yourself as if you were the character and think "do poeple actually speak like this?" if it sounds weird, change it or get rid of it.

Offline Cupz
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« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2006 05:01 AM »
good...I`ll keep that in mind. This is nothing but some sketches.Very rough and unfinished.I`ll keep you updated.^^

Pea`s
"If loving the lord is wrong,I don`t want to be right"

Offline Cupz
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« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2006 03:55 PM »
Ok...I got a little peice of dialoge scetch for you.Maybe you can get an overall feel.Screw around if you want.


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Eve- Chris....I feel...
I feel something.Warmth...warmth when you enter the room,warmth when you told me about your dream*.
What does that mean,Chris?

Chris (thinking) : Could she mean...love?

Eve- Your silent...what are you thinking about?

Chris- Do you know what love is?

Eve- Love: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

Chris- Are you feeling...love?

Eve- My creator,he said I was not cappable of feeling love.

Chris- Do you think its wrong for a machine to love a human beeing? And...the other way around.

Eve *spark of hope in voice*- The...other way around?
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Maybe not alot...but I had this swirling up my head.



*Chris is keep having dreams,( ???or...thinks he`s having them???) about Eve coming in his bedroom stroking him.He is "afread" to tell her the dream.
"If loving the lord is wrong,I don`t want to be right"

Offline kovva
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« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2006 05:37 PM »
oh, this could turn into anything, anything at all. is eve like a humanoid robot, or is she just like part of the control panel o.O
even if there's no hope, I'm trying to save Danny Phantom anyway.
screw Nick and the sponge that is sucking the brains out of our nation's children.

Offline Cupz
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« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2006 02:29 AM »
Quote from: kovva
oh, this could turn into anything, anything at all. is eve like a humanoid robot, or is she just like part of the control panel o.O

I would like her to be part of the control panel and only a voice.Or maybe a hologram Chris try`s to hold on to but fails.Something in that direction.Still thinking about the end...can't putmy finger on it. I want them to be happy together in infinite space...but...how....
"If loving the lord is wrong,I don`t want to be right"

Offline ProjectAccord
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« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2006 11:26 PM »
I'm pretty drawn to this story.  I like how the "Eve" AI interacts with the main character and this is starting to feel more like a sci-fi movie.  Looking forward to seeing more updates, you have an interesting fic going here.

Offline rtil
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« Reply #7 on: October 30, 2006 12:06 AM »
expressing the dream through animated medium would be fun. keep writing.